


Loves Me Not

by The_Fourth_Queen



Category: Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles (TV 2003), Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles - All Media Types
Genre: Awkward Sexual Situations, Bisexual Casey Jones (TMNT), Bottom Leo, BoyxBoy, Cabbage Rose, First Time, Lemon, Loves Me Loves Me Not, M/M, Rarepair, Sex Toys, Shameless Smut, Smut, caseynardo, caseyxleo
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-02-02
Updated: 2019-02-03
Packaged: 2019-10-20 18:35:23
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 6,384
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17627492
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/The_Fourth_Queen/pseuds/The_Fourth_Queen
Summary: Leo's been having a quiet moment in his room, contemplating the lack of romance in his life- when a shirtless Casey walks in. Now, Leo's NOT in love with Casey, nope. Not at all, but when tension thickens and they realize no one's home, it's a little hard to know just when to stop. Especially when there's so much to learn and to discover... Casey's willing- so's Leo... For how long?





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Here's a rare-pair treat for Caseynardo fans!

Leonardo's Point of View

It's a foolish game- a chance of faith and luck. Predictable with enough common sense. It's something for children- for foolish humans who have nothing better to do with their time. For the hopeless romantic who craves the reassurance. It's not something I should ever indulge in. Yet... the centifolia rose lay in the alley like the hopes and dreams it once represented, now muddy and tainted. I picked it up, and in the collected rain from the gutters- I washed it. Holding the white in the hand, turning it over and marveling at the dull thorns- I had nothing to do with it. Putting it in my belt to leap into the sewers, to the haven of my room. And I placed it in a thin vase- it beautified my room for weeks, but now the brown petals barely clung to the stem. There was no other use- yet I didn't want to discard it. This game surfaces my mind with reluctant suggestions. 

"Loves me," 

One flower petal is plucked, and I let it drop onto my bed. I finger another petal, "Loves me not," 

"Loves me," 

"Loves me not,"

"Loves me,"

And it continues for quite a while, this useless game going well onto ten minutes when a sudden thought occurs to me. The rose remains in my hand, and I ask aloud, "Aren't I supposed to have someone in mind?"

It strikes me as odd when I find myself struggling to pinpoint a name. So many friends over the years, yet there is none whose romantic affiliation stands out. Could it be... that I am unloved?

No. No way. My family loves me- I have friends who are willing to risk their lives for my safety. There isn't a single stranger I can't charm into friendship when I need to. I may be seventeen now, but near three years of adventures beyond imagination has brought me love to span lifetimes. But no romance. Not one lover- while my brothers are lucky in that area- it's near pitiful that I can't think of a single person. 

"Loves me not." 

I may be wrong. 

"Loves me..."

I may be right. 

"Loves me not."

It doesn't matter... but it does. 

"Loves me."

Not too important, there are other life threatening things to think about than finding someone to spend the rest of your life with.

"Loves me not."

It's not like I would die of loneliness... 

"Loves me."

Come to think of it, if enemies can't kill me- then maybe that's how I would die. 

"Loves me not."

A miserable old turtle still hovering over things he couldn't change and probably ten times as grouchy as he is now. 

"Loves me. Loves me not. Loves me. Loves me not."

The timid knock on my door is answered by my automatic, "Yes?"

"Hey Blue...? Can I like... ugh... come in for a minute?"

I lower my rose, curiosity overtaking my initial occupation, "Casey? Do you need something?"

I could near-picture the man hovering at the door, hand awkwardly rubbing the back of his neck and face slightly flushed as he stammers out, "Um... yeah- or is this a bad time?"

I throw a glance to the messy rose petals on my bed, yet I announce, "No, I'll be there in a sec,"

His sigh of relief is something to think about- I slide off my bed and rest the rose on the sheet. It lies innocently- though half-stripped and near-withered, it is not one bit of ugly. Not yet- I haven't stripped it all yet. But that has to wait- Casey needs my help with something. Whatever it is, it ought to be important. Casey almost never comes to me voluntary- and I can't help but feel that spike of worry that something has gone wrong yet again with my danger-prone family. 

I open the door, "Yes Casey?"

First things first- the man isn't wearing a shirt. He's in jeans only- blue jeans that are hugging his figure a bit too snugly but what do I care? I don't tell Casey how to dress- but if I did, I'd ask him to put on a shirt. Or a vest, or something. Because I don't like to be face to face with his chest- why is there such a big height difference? Second things second- he's blushing. 

They don't call me cool, calm and collected for nothing. I betray nothing when I look up at his face, and ask, "You needed something?" 

"Um..." he raises a hand to rub at the back of his neck- betraying the dark fizz below his arms, "I need a favor."

"Yes?" I urge- and for some reason, I don't want him in my room.

"Um..." If I didn't know better, I'd say Casey was almost... shy, especially when his face is tinted near red spreading all the way down to his neck and- shell-dammnit Leo, don't look!

It's a physical strain to keep eye contact- especially when he stutters out a small, "Can I... come in for a moment...?"

No. I don't want him in my room- "Sure, come on in Casey."

The shell. I'm going to regret this. He's going to see my room is a mess with all these flowers. And he’s going to… walk right in without a second thought. And I let him- why?

Don’t make me answer that.

“So… Leo…” he stands in the center of my room- dwarfing it with his size. I usually have no qualms against my meager personal space- but with him in here, everything else looks… oddly insignificant- like he’s the main beacon and I should be giving him my attention.

-I blame it on the teenage hormones. 

Yes, that’s what Donnie calls them. Those odd moments when you feel so out of place and slightly… excited? It’s not something I want to encourage, but I am not closing this door with Casey in this room alone with me. Even though I know it makes no sense since the lair is empty anyways. 

“Yes Casey?” I linger at my exit, and his blush increases to an almost adorable look- but I don’t dwell on that. I don’t want to be thinking of Casey as adorable anything. 

“I ugh… Need a…” he mumbles something so softly that I lean forward to hear- yet I don’t catch.

“Need a what?”

He ducks his head, hair in that bun of his escaping like they never want to be restrained, “I need a …” followed by indistinct mumbling.

I take it back- Casey’s adorable. But it still doesn’t give me an excuse to smile this silly smile that stretches my cheeks, “Casey I don’t understand a word you’re saying.”

The man- certainly not boy any longer- drops his head into his hands and groans out a quick, “I-need-a-shirt.”

I don’t understand- and it shows when I slowly tell him, “I don’t have… any shirts… or clothes…” but I want to help him, so I gesture outside, “I think we have some of your stuff in Raph’s room…”

“There’re no shirts there,” Casey announces to me, and he sighs, “Not even in the room April and I usually stay in overnights.”

For some reason- I blush at that statement. It’s no surprise that the couple is engaged, but it does me no good to think about what they do when they sleep over- alone, in the lair, when my brothers and I are out patrolling and Master Splinter is spending the night at April’s- wait a minute. When was the last time both Casey and April stayed the night? Certainly not in a…

I put my hands on my hips, eyes narrowing, “You haven’t spent the night with her in weeks- not since last year Christmas. And it’s near March now.”

“Right.” He tells me- as if he didn’t know, or as if he didn’t care enough to correct me. All the man asks is if I have any spare shirts- or any other clothes hanging around.

“I’ve got my trench-coat,” I reveal, pointing to a chest to the side of my bed, and he follows my finger, “Want that?”

“That’ll do!”

He’s almost a bit too excited to leap across my bed in a single jump, kneeling to the floor and reaching low, “Mind if I help myself?”

“Go ahead- wait, not in that chest!”

Where’s the goddamn ninja speed when you need it? It’s like cruel slow-motion, the way he pulls out that chest from under my bed and out tumbles the very last thing I want him to catch a glimpse of. But he does- and that faithful box stays open for the full two seconds it takes me to jump across my bed and slam it shut.

“Not-that-chest!” I cry out- but I swear he doesn’t move- frozen, and I fear for the worst. I try to push the box back under the bed- cursing myself for taking it out from the floorboards in the first place, but it jams.

I tug once more, but it doesn’t even take a moment for me to notice that Casey’s still holding the box. Tightly. He didn’t let go- shell.

This time, it’s me who stammers out, “Ugh… This is private.”

Casey’s eyes snap up, and I swear- there’s a sparkle in his eyes. It sends the strangest of tingles through me, especially when he arches a messy brow and whispers so lowly, “Is that… a dildo?”

Why can’t there be some emergency now? Is it too much to ask for a literal earthquake to swallow me up- a surprise blackout- anything but me facing this moment with Casey Jones of all people. I avoid his gaze.

“It’s a vibrator actually…” Why is my voice so low? It’s like it’s in my throat and I don’t want to be speaking, “I… ugh…”

Casey swallows, but he tilts his head, eyes squinting at me but I don’t make eye contact, “Do you know how to use it?”

What kind of question is that? Of course I do… not really… didn’t ever have to the chance to take it out, “Yeah, I do.”

Why am I still having this conversation with him? But- it’s not like I’m changing the topic or anything- I have to change the topic.

I raise my hand, and point to the wooden chest next to my bed, the one beside his foot, “There’s the coat if you need it,”

Casey turns his head, and he nods slowly, but his next question gives me a lot to think about, “Any more toys in that one?”

Are they? No. Of course not, “No…”

Casey’s head snaps back to me, lips puckered and eyes still narrowed, “You don’t sound so sure Blue.”

I scoff, and roll my eyes, “There’s only lube in there- and maybe a couple condoms. A massage gel too,”

Why don’t I shut up now? I snap my mouth shut, but it’s harder to say who’s blushing harder. Casey nods, and he says, “Kinky- always knew you had it in you,”

“There’s nothing in me!” I protest a bit too quickly, “I didn’t even use it yet!”

This day keeps getting better and better- I clasp a hand over my mouth, eyes shut at that stupid slip, “I mean…”

“Hey Leo,” and it’s pure habit that has me giving him my undivided attention, “Look at me for a minute,”

I wish I didn’t do it willingly- because when I do, Casey is looking dead straight into my eyes and I’ve never noticed how electric his eyes are. The shell? Blue fire? Or maybe this bad lighting is giving me all these weird thoughts- like why is he so close to my face? And why am I letting my heart beat so relentlessly against my plastron- can’t he hear it?

Casey doesn’t have a smooth face- it’s filled with stubble here and there and fizzy patches of spiky hair poking out- but it isn’t ugly. It isn’t pretty either- it’s… uniquely nice. And I’ve never noticed it before, but he has tiny scars crisscrossing, a chip on those bushy eyebrows and there are uneven colors of skin on him- where the sun peeks through that hockey masks he likes to wear. And his lips? They’re… moist.

I lick my own, forcing myself to look anywhere but his eyes, but the only other option is his lips- so I stay there, until I see them move when he asks, “Could I see it?”

“See what?”

“The dildo- or… vibrator that you have,”

It’s like somebody flipped a switch and turned off all the common sense in my head- because I nod, and not only do I let him open the chest, but I pick up my toy and hold it out to him.

It’s strangely heavy in my hand tonight- normally whenever I dare to poke at it in the secrecy of my own room, it’s light. Smooth too, but just a bit rubbery everywhere but the base. The base has the batteries- and if memory serves me correctly, it ought to have juice inside. 

Casey collects it, and I near drop it into his palm, “Cool.” He says.

It should have satisfied his curiosity and he should have put it back or handed it to me- but he doesn’t. The man switches it on and I swear those vibrations have never been so loud before.

I wince just as he does, and I point to the two buttons on the base, “This one turns it off… that one changes the setting.”

Casey turns it over, and it fits snugly with his fingers- he doesn’t have small hands, but like my room, he dwarfs it with his size. And I wonder, is he that gifted in the lower departments as well? 

Wait- no. I shouldn’t think that. I should not be thinking those thoughts with Casey of all goddamn people. He’s off-limits. Not only is he April’s fiancée, but he’s also Raph’s best friend and Donnie’s mechanic ally and Mikey’s video game partner and Master Splinter’s student and oh-shell-he-noticed-I’m-staring-at-his-chest.

If there were ever a time to curse, it would be now. But I don’t- I still have a reputation to keep up. Instead, I roll away from him, and sit up on my bed, bracing against the headboard with all attempt at looking casual. Casey remains on the ground, letting my toy rub between his two hands as though it weren’t an active sex toy designed to resemble a certain pink organ. 

Makes me wish I had a chance to use it before he touched it- on second thought, good thing I’ve never used it on myself before. But I didn’t want to admit it out loud- to him especially. But I know if he asks I will tell him.

“So… Leo,” the hum of the machine is slightly drowned out by his voice, “You said you used it before… right?”

“Actually Casey…” buzz, “It’s never went inside me. Just… agh… outside.”

Of all the times to get horny- it doesn’t surprise me to feel a heat under my shell. I don’t want it- but I don’t force it away either. It’s not welcomed- but what can I do? It’s been weeks since I’ve had any sort of personal release- I don’t expect to have a magical self restraint either- I may be Leonardo, but I remain a teenager- you won’t get me to admit that out loud easily.

Why Casey grins, I wouldn’t like to know. But the man presses a button again- and I don’t have to ask to know that it’s in second drive- it only increases my blush. Is Casey having a hard time too? 

Casey shifts from the floor, and slowly takes a stand with his knees a little above the mattress of my bed, “So… just rubbing it outside? No penetration?”

Since when was Casey so blunt- he’s always been blunt. Didn’t expect him to be this blunt! But no matter how much my face is burning I answer him honestly, by clamping my mouth shut and shaking my head. I don’t trust my words- before I spill something.

Casey takes the vibrations up a notch- and even though it isn’t even touching me, I feel a jolt somewhere down there- I don’t want to think about it. I don’t want him to see me like this- so I turn my face, and my body, pulling my knees up to hug myself. Maybe if I ignore him, he’ll get bored and leave me to finish this business of mine- that he started. 

I should have known better than to expect such merciful things from the universe, because Casey presses his weight on the bed- and I’ve never been this hyperaware of how musky he smelt. It’s… raw- and frankly a turn on.

No. No-no-no-no.

Not Casey. 

I have to beg myself, head buried into my knee pads. Not Casey- shell of all the people, of all our allies. Why Casey? He’s the… the… best option.

Come to think of it, what’s so bad about Casey in the first place? Absolutely nothing. He’s kind. And caring. Sweet when he wants to be- and he’s got a good heart. Not to mention he’s one well-built male, how else would be able to keep up with teenage mutant ninja turtles on rooftops at midnight? Another part of me- the part I don’t want to encourage, makes me wonder about his stamina. Stamina in what? Nothing. Absolutely nothing.

Shell-dammit Leo. What is wrong with you tonight? I want to blame it on that rose that put all these thoughts in my mind in the first place. Speaking of the rose, Casey’s fingering a rose petal right now. He has one knee on my bed, the vibrator in one hand, and a rose petal in the order.

I swear- that image is going to be locked away into my mind as the single most sexy, most cute, most romantic thing I’ve ever witnesses in all of my sixteen years of life. 

Casey lifts a rose petal, and we both watch it fall to the ground, “Loves me.”

My eyes widen when he takes another petal, suffering it to same fate as its predecessor, “Loves me not.”

I find the rose quicker than I expect to, and I hand it to him, “Use this.”

Why… does my heart beat so? It’s not like anything is going to happen. Casey is… Casey. He won’t hurt me- he’s not like that. He’s a good guy, I can trust him. So I stretch my feet against the bed, letting them touch his knees, and reach out the rose to him, “It has plenty more petals,”

Casey tilts his head- and finally, that bun falls out of place. But it doesn’t cascade down his back, no, it defies gravity and even logic alike when it sticks in strings and curls the next minutes but it wraps around his ear and he doesn’t mind when it covers his eyebrows. In fact, Casey just rolls his eyes, and collects my rose.

“Thanks for the cabbage rose,” he grins- and I bit down on my lips to avoid saying more than, “You’re welcome.”

And just as we were about to descend from this oh-so-sexual feeling, Casey drops the toy. Onto his lap- and he shoots up from the bed in record speed and my toy goes flying across the room landing smack on the wall. I gasp when it crashes to the floor, and stills. 

Casey snaps his head to me, and I return that wide-eyed look. In union, “Is it broken?”

It answers us- by vibrating at full power once more, and we give a collective sigh of relief. By now- I feel as though if we were going to be doing to do anything sexual in the first place, we would have done it already. So there’s no need to fear- no need to get my feelings up in heat, there’s nothing to worry about. It’ll be fine.

Why do I keep giving myself these false hopes. Casey doesn’t help the situation when he laughs and says, “Good thing it isn’t broken- I would have had to buy you a new one.”

I shake my head, eyes narrowing at him, “No you didn’t- I said I barely used it,”

The man cuts his laugh off- but the grin remains, “You wouldn’t be saying that if you knew how to use it,”

“Oh? You’re telling me you know how to use it?”

“Damn right- and I could show you if you like… wait- not like that. Leo don’t take that the wrong way. I didn’t… ugh mean to make you uncomfortable…”

Casey’s blushing again, and is it cruel of me to enjoy it? He’s so freaking adorable- especially with that bed-head of his going on. Is it even bed-head? It’s my turn to laugh at his awkwardness, and he watches me with a smile. 

After a minute, Casey shrugs, and fingers the rose once more, “She loves me not.”

“Who? April?”

When his attention snaps to me- I wish I had kept my mouth shut. It’s becoming a bit too much like Mikey these days, saying things without thinking them. But Casey doesn’t lash out at the mention of his fiancé. He just nods slowly, and something… shifts about him.

“No, she doesn’t.” his voice is just so… forlorn, “She never did- we’re only together to keep people from suspecting anything when we’re always disappearing,”

I suspected that… once- a long time ago. But I never… thought… Why don’t I listen to myself? I give very good ideas or even plans yet when it comes to listening to myself, I don’t. It’s going to get me in a heap of trouble someday- so maybe I should start now. Right now, something is forcing me to reach out to Casey, and comfort him.

Maybe putting my hand on his bare shoulder wasn’t the best idea, but he doesn’t shrug me off. And I don’t ignore the fact that he’s warm- really warm. Can I say he’s hotter up close?

“You’re hotter up close,”

The shell? I didn’t mean to say that out loud!

“Huh?” Casey turns to me- and he’s so damn close again I can see his wet lips, “I am?”

No going back, so I nod slowly, making sure he can keep my eye contact, “Very…”

“Gee thanks Blue- you’re sexy too you know,”

It’s my turn to turn scarlet-but I don’t expect him to put a hand on my shoulder, so we each have a grip on each other. 

I can’t easy my heartbeat- and it shows in my heavy breathing. That darn vibrator is still making background noise, and we both turn to it at the same time. It lies innocently, but loudly. Casey glances to me, and I know he’s looking at my lips.

I don’t know why the words fall from my mouth, “So you and April aren’t a thing?”

It ought to have killed the mood- but Casey slowly shakes his head, “Never again.”

He doesn’t emphasize- and I don’t ask. I’m too busy trying to stop smiling- but he’s so close and this heat has returned to my body and it doesn’t make sense to hide it when I know the minute he walks out of my room I’ll run to my bed and finish off- maybe I won’t even use the lube. Maybe… he doesn’t even have to leave.

Wait- no way Leo. That’s bad thoughts right there- forbidden fruit… taste sweetest. How sweet? I heard it is salty. I heard it tastes horrible- but I’ve never asked- and I’ve rather liked the taste of my own. Those strange moments when curiosity overcomes you and you explore your own self- I had no idea I could have gotten wet behind there. But I guess it could come in use… less lube if I ever got involved with a man… like Casey… who’s on my bed… there’s a vibrator in the distance- he’s single…

What could go wrong?

Many, many things. Like the fact that I really… really want to put my mouth on his right now. What would it taste like? Would it be tasty? Like the books I’ve read- where the lips are soft and taste like lipstick. Wait- he’s a guy. We don’t use lipstick- so would they taste like whatever he ate before? What did Casey last eat? 

Casey moves his hand, and I’m left confused when he slips off the bed, “Hey Leo,”

So much for kissing, “Yeah Casey?” Am I too casual? I don’t feel casual.

Casey- still shirtless and it keeps standing out to me how his thin hair speckles his chest, “Want me to show you how to properly use this vibrator?”

Um…

Well…

He’s not serious… Is he? 

I mean…

Shell yes!

But… no…

He’s…

And I’m…

“That would be amazing,”

Face-palm moment. But I don’t regret it, not yet. Because Casey looks genuine when he picks up that faithfully vibrating toy and holds it in one hand, turning it over and over and every time he does that I swear my heartbeat increases. He takes his precious time to walk over to my bed. And when he does, it’s like someone flipped a switch in my head- common sense out, erotic in.


	2. Chapter 2

Casey Jones’s Point of View  
  
…  
  
“Sit.”  
  
Leo doesn’t hesitate- because he can’t. He’s already sitting on his bed- but I don’t focus on that. I have a freaking vibrator in hand and its drumming nicely against my palms- who’d have thought this thing would belong to the one turtle who’s so hard to unravel. That is… until you discover the secret sex toy under his bed when we’re alone in the lair. This could either go two ways- erotically awkward, or awkwardly erotic.  
  
I take a deep breath, letting the air fly past my nostrils in a steady motion, as if that would ease my racing heart. I hold up the toy once more- the faithful thing still performing, and I catch the turtle’s eyes.  
  
Well, his mask. While I’m shirtless and in jeans, Leo remains in his usual attire. From the mask all the way to the bandages around his wrists- except for his swords. Those two metals are lacking tonight- which is good. I don’t want that kind of sword play. Sword play?  
  
What am I thinking? It’s just explaining the concept of a vibrator to Leo… not like I intend to actually use it on the turtle… I mean… all I wanna show him is tips… well… I wanna do more than just show him… can I even use it on him? Would he let me… can I touch him? No- no! I can’t think about that- but what’s so bad about it anyways?  
  
To be fair- if Leo’s willing, then I’ll too. It’s consent, isn’t it? Leo’s sixteen now- that’s fine with the law. But did the law say anything about teenage mutant ninja turtles? The last thing I wanna do is push him or… aww shell -I’m thinking about this way too much- I should just shut up and show the turtle how to play with the damn toy. Get this over with before I push him too far.  
  
I hold it out at arm’s length, “This is one of those smaller versions, Leo,” he nods as I explain, “You’re lucky you have this one, the others usually are too big for anal.”  
  
“Oh…”  
  
I blink slowly, watching the turtle change shades from his pink to a full-out red, “Anal you say? As in… fully… penetrating, right?”  
  
“Yeah,” I lick my dry lips, but I don’t trust myself to fully wet them- before I get other thoughts, “But since I know you won't like- take out your dick-"  
  
He gives this shy little chuckle, and he nods, "Yeah- I'll keep that inside me for now..."  
  
I grin at him- showing him I respect that decision. Mostly because I'm not sure I want to be in charge of his dick so soon though... but I'm curious. But that's the bad kind of curious- the kind you don't know if you'll ever stop. So as weird as that sounds, it's best Leo keeps his dick away from me.  
  
I wave the toy around, "This should be good enough to find your prostate though…”  
  
“-Don’t know if I have one.”  
  
Wait, what?  
  
That makes me take a full stop, “Huh?”  
  
The turtle ducks his head into his arms, and pulls up his knees, the very picture of shy, “I didn’t really… find one when I… tried…” his voice goes soft, “I’m not even sure us turtles have one.”  
  
“Well that sucks,” I point the vibrator at Leo, “You’re missing out. Some guys could actually cum by prostate fingering alone.”  
  
I don’t expect Leo to look up with those wide eyes and ask, “Can you?”  
  
Well… I… Um…  
  
Not… sure…?  
  
I could still feel the heat in my cheeks when I answer, “Something like that… I mean,” and my hand goes up to rub the back of my neck, “I had experience… but never did finish off only by something inside me…”  
  
“Would you like to try?”  
  
There’s something devilishly innocent about the way Leo blinks up at me, “Well… on someone else that is… To finish someone off…”  
  
That mask just adds to the whole appeal of this- I wonder if he’ll take it off. I know taking off the mask is so vulnerable for him… but… does he realize what he’s really asking me? Is he really implying… Should I… I mean, it’s Leo… It’s goddamn Leonardo.  
  
“You mean…” I just might regret this, “On you? As in…” I take a deep breath, “As in using it on you… now?”  
  
“Umm…” How is that Leo could turn so red but maintain being green, “Yeah?”  
  
Holy-fuckedy-fuck…  
  
I shouldn’t be this excited- it’s just Leo. It’s goddamn Leonardo.  
  
Keep calm Casey- it’s just… a… what is this even?  
  
I’m just helping a friend out- yeah right! What kind of friend am I to offer plugging a damn dildo up-  
  
No.  
  
Forget I even thought about it.  
  
I swallow this growing lump in my throat, and I switch the vibrator to my next hand, “So… What style do you want it in?”  
  
And just because I heard it somewhere in a porno before, I repeat, “Tell me what you want… I’ll make sure you feel good.”  
  
God-dammit I didn’t mean it to sound like that- it sounds so fucking sexual. But I really do want him to feel good- but am I coming on too strong? I’ll stop if he asks- I don’t want to force him to do anything he doesn’t want- and dammit I shouldn’t be this excited…  
  
Leo’s eyes are so wide I’m surprised he hasn’t blinked yet- and I see him take a deep breath. Is he… as nervous as I am?  
  
“Whichever style you want to give me… I’m yours to teach tonight, do what you want with me.”  
  
Something changes then.  
  
In the air.  
  
In our situation.  
  
It’s like… a switch is flipped.  
  
Like that there was the only thing keeping me back from feeling and those words opened a doorway for things we both know we shouldn’t venture into- but he’s looking up at me with these big eyes and it’s not as sexy as it is adorable but I’ve always kinda had a thing for being in control… Would Leo let me control him? He’s the leader- I’d expect him to be dominant, but the way he’s sitting on the bed with me looming over him- he looks ready for submission.  
  
Let’s see.  
  
I won’t take this far- just a little bit at first. I’ll sit on the bed, take it nice and slowly and bring him to an orgasm- if he wants to stop, he’ll tell me.  
  
I nod slowly, letting my eyes hold his gaze, “Lie back down,”  
  
The turtle licks his lips, and leans down on elbows yet keeps one knee in the air, “Like this?”  
  
“Further,”  
  
He’s fully on his shell now- and I swear it’s such a vulnerable position that I can’t help but want to stop. Stop and make sure he’s okay- comfort him because I could still see the flush in his cheeks. There’s this… nervous look to his face, the kind that you can just feel in the air around you. I could see his teeth clamping and unclamping- as if he’s trying to decide what to do with his face.  
  
He trusts me, right? Trusts what I’m going to do to him and trusts that I won’t hurt him and… And…  
  
God-dammit I can’t do this.  
  
It’s fucking Leonardo.  
  
Literally- he’s Leo.  
  
He’s still a kid- sixteen.  
  
Then why do I want to use this toy on him? So badly?  
  
I want to do things that I shouldn’t be thinking of- do things that have him shivering and hold him down when he tries to pull away and when he wants to scream I’ll clamp a hand over his mouth because it’s just so… goddamn fucking hot to see him struggling. Watching him train and getting all sweaty was eye candy, but this? Being in charge of all those movements, I’ve seen how flexible he is, would that flexibility be maintained when I bend him over?  
  
What is wrong with me?  
  
I shake my head, and proceed to sit on the bed. I’m right next to his raised knee, and it’s kinda uncanny how heavy this toy feels in my head. It’s hard to hear anything over the drumming in my ears. I raise the toy once more- but the leader turns his head, forcing away all our eye contact.  
  
It’s not supposed to go like this- his first time is supposed to be something… special. His first intimate moment, first orgasm with someone- it’s supposed to be his lover. Why am I here just ruining it?  
  
I rest a hand on his knee- and that alone causes electricity to shoot through me at how cold-but-warm he is. The other turtles have cool skins- but either Leo is running a fever or… he’s feeling… hot?  
  
Well he certainly looks hot- delicious in the way he’s biting his lips and if I twist my head I can see how his mouth is trembling.  
  
Shell- he’s nervous.  
  
He should be- I am terrified right now. What if I go too much too soon and I hurt him? Shell I don’t a thing about turtle anatomy- what if they weren’t meant to do anal and I rupture something and he bleeds to death? Raph is going to kill me! I swear even I am going to kill me if I hurt Leo.  
  
But- he wants this… I can do this… for him…  
  
Just gotta… control myself.  
  
Get this done quickly- I know Leo will stop me if I go too far. I just have to… have that self control…  
  
It’s not a surprise that I don’t have self-control, but I didn’t expect it to go so wrong so fast. I grab the turtle’s ankle with my free hand, pushing it aside so that his legs were spread. It issues a gasp so unlike Leo, but I don’t wait for his approval. I continue, hand tight on his thighs and pressing my nails so hard into that semi-soft skin that he gives an actual yelp- that sounds does things to me. It does things to my insides that makes me feel so…  
  
Powerful.  
  
I shouldn’t have let it take over- one sound, and I was a goner. Pouncing on his legs, pressing my weight over him and hearing him protest. But I elbow his thighs, keeping them under me and I swear it’s so intoxicating to be this close to him. Even though his shell is covering mostly everything, He's so... more than I thought! These... feelings... It's... like... there's this distinct turtle scent but it's not bad it's actually really nice but there's more... It’s new and he’s all sorts of sensations that I could never imagine.  
  
But it hurts me- inside. There’s this… burning demand unleashing and not only do I feel that tightness in my pants but there’s something else. Something else that fucking scares me- makes me want to hear him scream.  
  
God-dammit I can’t stop.  
  
“Casey wait!” he shouts loud- but it washes over me like nothing, and then… is where he retreats.  
  
One second he was under me- next he’s standing next to the bed with that pale face tinted red. Deer in the headlights? More like deer at the end of a gun.  
  
“Casey wait!” he holds up his hands before his face, “Wait… wait a second!”  
  
Thank-God he’s brave enough to jump away from the danger, but all I say is, “What?”  
  
It comes out harsh- it comes out sudden, and I see him wince and say in a mere whisper, “Um… never mind.”  
  
I pause, but… something’s different now. I could see how tight Leo’s posture is- and as much as I want to make him feel good… it’s just… not right to have him so tense. Like he’s coiled up and waiting for me to just attack or something- no, no, it’s all wrong. So goddamn wrong.  
  
That demon inside me that wants to ram this thing up him makes a slow descend, and I’m left sighing, “Sit back down Leo,”  
  
He hesitates- and I see him glancing towards the door. Dammit. This time, I sigh, and switch off the toy. The silence that meets us is strikingly loud.  
  
I drift my eyes shut, resting the toy on the bed, “You can sit Leo… I won’t do anything else…”  
  
He doesn’t hesitate this time- and we’re beside each other again. He’s close, so close to me, but really? He’s never been this far. His hand is pressed onto the bed crushing a couple of the rose petals and the other fist is clenched. I could see droplets of sweat at the side of his cheeks- right under his eyes- wait a fucking minute that isn’t sweat.  
  
That’s fucking tears.  
  
The fuck did I do?

  



End file.
